if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
