porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
