So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
