I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
