Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize