I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize