You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
