I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize