i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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