I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
