She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
