You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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