Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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