So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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