Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
