You were right. It hurts to walk today.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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