I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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