Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize