I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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