wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize