He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
