I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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