He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
