I am midnight drunk by noon
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize