I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
