my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
