..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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