she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
