Kiss
Puke
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
