I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
