Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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