Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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