chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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