We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
