toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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