just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
