Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
