im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
