I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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