someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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