Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
