i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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