i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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