I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
