talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
