You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
