dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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