i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
