im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
