Sry I called you an 8
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize