Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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