Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
