break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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