No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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