he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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