i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
