I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
