i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize