that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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