It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So squirting runs in the family.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
