Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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