I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
