I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
