Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
