I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
