jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
