so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize