is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
