I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
