He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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