talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
