I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
