I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
