pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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