Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
