i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
