omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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