I am full of burrito and curiosity
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
