I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
