so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
