remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
